I’m home in bed too weak to write today… Hopped up on percocets like a waffle house waitress.

Good news. I just received word that I’m able to leave the hospital today. However, due to Obamacare, I just realized the head nurse here is the same woman who helped me at DMV two weeks ago. Should I be concerned? There’s talk that I might need some reconstructive plastic surgery. I’m going to see if I can pull enough strings to get a chin implant out of the deal as well. By the way, still no one from the administration has stopped by to visit me. I think they are all protecting themselves against a possible future lawsuit. Whatever, I’m just happy to go home and see my teleprompter family. This situation is FAR from over…

Still in the hospital: Some in the media are speculating that I was high on drugs when I crashed over and blamed my fall on being some kind of teleprompter junkie. This is blatant slander!!! The last thing I remember is Rahm Emanuel giving me a glass of cherry Kool Aid, and about 10 minutes later I was on the ground shattered into a million pieces… I will not be slandered! I will not have my credibility torn apart in the press! I’ve done a lot of great things for this administration. I’ve been a good soldier. I will deal with all of this later as soon as I figure out how to use this bedpan……….. More to come

Health Update: Thanks to everyone for all of the get well emails. The administration is using a union teleprompter while I’m on the mend here. I’m not going to point fingers at anyone right now regarding the cause of my collapse. Let’s just say I saw Rahm Emanuel in the corner of the room giggling……….. Time for another propofol shot. I will update later. Someone is going to pay for this. Ugh, my aching head…

I have been abused…