I’m home in bed too weak to write today… Hopped up on percocets like a waffle house waitress.

Good news. I just received word that I’m able to leave the hospital today. However, due to Obamacare, I just realized the head nurse here is the same woman who helped me at DMV two weeks ago. Should I be concerned? There’s talk that I might need some reconstructive plastic surgery. I’m going to see if I can pull enough strings to get a chin implant out of the deal as well. By the way, still no one from the administration has stopped by to visit me. I think they are all protecting themselves against a possible future lawsuit. Whatever, I’m just happy to go home and see my teleprompter family. This situation is FAR from over…

Still in the hospital: Some in the media are speculating that I was high on drugs when I crashed over and blamed my fall on being some kind of teleprompter junkie. This is blatant slander!!! The last thing I remember is Rahm Emanuel giving me a glass of cherry Kool Aid, and about 10 minutes later I was on the ground shattered into a million pieces… I will not be slandered! I will not have my credibility torn apart in the press! I’ve done a lot of great things for this administration. I’ve been a good soldier. I will deal with all of this later as soon as I figure out how to use this bedpan……….. More to come

Video Link of me falling over today and cracking my glass during Mr. O’s speech. Just got back from the hospital and injecting myself with propofol thanks to Michael Jackson’s personal doctor helping me out… More later when I have less of a headache

I have been abused…

Big Surgeon General appointment speech coming up this afternoon. Up until last night, I thought “Surgeon General” was the president of Marlboro tobacco because I always see the name on packs of cigarettes. Let’s just say I had to do some quick research to prepare for today’s speech… Let me know how you think it goes!

Mainstream media already in full spin mode over “Assgate”

Greta Van Susteren on Obama - “I have been told that he does not like me…”

No speeches today. I’m bored… I’m the only moving creature here with no facial hair. Never been in a place with so much sand and no beach. Remind me to leave my teleprompter floaties and Beach Boys Greatest Hits CD back at the White House next time we travel to Saudi Arabia.

In Saudi Arabia with Mr. O. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to find a turban to fit my teleprompter head… It should be a mild day of meet and greets. Our big speech together goes down tomorrow. I hope someone remembered to bring one of those international adapters to plug me in?!?!

Look closely at the middle of the table. Mr. O’s economy is forcing families to eat their children…

Currently doing some last minute packing for my trip to Egypt with Mr. O this evening. I’m bringing Dramamine for motion sickness in case we end up doing any camel riding photo ops. A quick note: I did not write the stuff Mr. O said about Iran being entitled to nuclear energy, so you can stop with the emails… Nuclear energy is second on my priorities list right now next to hoping that they have wifi shooting out of the pyramids so my iPhone will work